I always wanted to have a post about this one and of course always forgot to do it. But more recently I got reminded again. How couples manage their finances, do their share the money or keep separate accounts? I have seen pros and cons and it seems "independent" accounts are getting to be more and more followed behavior.
I remember when we moved together with Mrs. Smith we did not share our money, everyone had their own accounts and the money did not merge. At the beginning she was earning more so sometimes I ended up borrowing money from her and paying it back later. Which was really weird, but I could agree we were just a couple months in a relationship so I belive these "trust" issues were normal. Then I got more salary after a job change and in a little while as we were already in over a year in our relationship we deciced that I should pay for more things. This has quickly lead to the situation that it just did not matter anymore. Our relationship was strong, we respected each other and trusted each other completely so it was a logical thing to do.
The situation is at the moment, that we both have our own accounts where we receive our salaries, I am paying off all the bills, rent, insurances, etc from my account and pay for the groceries as well, while we literally do not touch her account. Of course we do regular transfers between the accounts just to utilize and make the best out of the money, but we treat these accounts as one and not two separate. I earn more than she does, however she works as hard as I do, so why she should not deserve the same benefits? I find this a perfect way. Shared money, shared plans, shared future. When we need to buy something we discuss. Not the small purchases, but the bigger ones. We can agree, disagree and change each others mind which many times proven very helpful and saved each others from some serious "quick-buys".
We know how much we earn, how much we have, so we can plan together. I could not imagine otherwise.
On the opposite I see more and more couples don't think the same way. I see them having separate accounts, paying separate household bills of course trying to be fair, but at the end of the day, whatever they earn is theirs individually. Not as a couple, not as one unit. Which is hard for me to understand. How can you live and watch your partner cannot buy stuff because he/she does not earn enough? When for example you could buy these things easily for yourself. Where did love got out of the picture?
All I can see in these relationships, that they are more like flatmates and not in a relationship as a couple. This way you don't have to compromise, you don't have to discuss, argue what you want to buy, if you have money you buy it simple as that. You don't have to adjust yourself and your decision to anyone. This feels cold and distant.
What happens when kids around? Unfortunately I once had an inside look into such family, where they split things in payments, Daddy was responsible for the haircut of the son, Mommy for the daughter. ... Daddy always complained that son's hair grows faster so he needs to pay more frequently for the haircuts :) LOL. This is sad, but TRUE.
How the f*ck can you manage a family like that? People keep surprising me and sometimes I do not want to believe how relationships can work with these terms .... but I am happy I don't have to try because mine is not one of them....
